Strife is a relationship killer – strife is at work when we are constantly at odds with another person. Its the need to be right and it is self seeking in nature. Joel and I began to learn along time ago that the fruit of strife was not what we wanted to live with in our lives. Over and over again we have committed to not allow it to have a place in our relationship. It is a choice we work at so that we keep strife and its fruit out of our relationship. 

Strife is not always loud or the product of arguing but it begins in the heart and in our thinking. We become offended and hurt and it starts to affect how we treat the other person. Body language, tone of voice, nagging, constant correction or pointing out of what the other person is doing or not doing. Making small things into mountains and building a case against that person. Every thing becomes an indictment against that person.

Where strife is present there is contention, self seeking, confusion, disorder, disturbance, chaos, trouble and results in behavior that is bad, ugly, distasteful, appalling and results in pain – pain given and pain received. 

What is the solution? 

The Golden Rule – “treat the other person how you would want to be treated” is a good place to start. Too often we react to how someone is making us feel instead of responding with how I would want to be treated. 

Choose to respond with wisdom and love.  

Wisdom seeks peace, it is gentle, willing to yield, considerate, courteous, gentle, full of compassion. Love is wisdom in action and it will not seeks its own, it is kind, does not keep a list of wrongs, is not touchy or resentful, it is gentle, it does not use shame or disrespect as a means to diminish the other person, it is not easily irritated or quick to take offense but is quick to FORGIVE. Love does not give up or take failure as defeat. 

Significant victories can often be brought on by making small adjustments in how we do certain things in our life.  In relationships sometimes there is an overwhelming sense of there being an insurmountable obstacle and yet sometimes taking one step in the opposite direction could turn everything around. 

Taking one step in the other direction can change everything, one word, one action, one day at a time.